There Are Times

I took a short break from blogging after experiencing some very difficult times related to my writing, and I’m glad to be back in my writing space. As I searched for the way to be obedient in what happened, I discovered that I don’t believe God has released me from writing here in this space, so I published a couple of essays from my archives while I prayed and thought and wrote. Here is what I wrote in the aftermath of my troubles. I pray that it will give a small bit of help to you.
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There are times when I feel desperate for God.
Times when my path forward seems dark
as the hour before dawn.
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Times when the darkness seems to creep into my soul and
times when it wants to burst out of my heart and
threaten to hurt those around me.
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I always know in a cerebral sense that my very being depends on God, but
there are times when I know it in a deep, carnal way.
These are the times I see clearly into my own heart and
tremble with fear for the rage I see there.
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These are the times I am asked to forgive, to
turn the other cheek in a real and painful way.
These are the times I find I must return something
to God that is precious to me and find that my deepest self
wants to turn away from Him instead.
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It is in these times that I fall on my face and
beg Him to surround me with Himself.
It is in these times that I lift up my eyes and
plead for Him to heal me from the inside.
It is in these times that I know with a gut-wrenching certainty that
I am, indeed, desperate for God
in all times.
I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee.
Oh, bless me now my Savior,
I come to Thee.
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Comments

  1. Carmen Clark says:

    Oh my, I can definitely relate. There are times I feel like this too. Love you!

  2. Can you please sing in all of your posts? Beautiful. (Like usual) your words struck a chord in me. I’ve come to the same conclusion. I am absolutely desperate for Jesus. Sometimes, I really want to run away or distract myself with fruitless excuses of gods, but this deep ache and longing you speak of can only be satisfied just as your described—desperate pleas for Him.

    Thank you for sharing your vulnerable, broken heart with us. It’s beautiful and healing. And I’m (selfishly) glad that you are going to continue to write in this space. <3

    • Thank you. I am always a bit ashamed at how much I want other things to satisfy me. It makes me grateful (okay, mostly grateful) for things that remind me of my desperation for Him.

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