Five Years of Writing

Posted on May 27, 2016 by Elizabeth

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Five years.

Five years of writing in this space.

Much has happened in five years.

Our family has moved.

We have doubled our number of children.

We have lost loved ones and gained many more.

My writing has improved; I grow more and more into my own writing-self as I write each week.

My blog has grown, slowly rather than by giant leaps and I find that this is how it should be. I am, after all, a mommy to four very little girls.

I find that I am content with my smallness, content simply to write with no expectations for more. Yet sometimes I wonder if God is calling me to more.

It is a fine balance, this staying content. To not feel greedy for more while also not being fearful of the same possibility. How well I achieve this high wire act depends on my day and how much sleep I had the night before.

In honor of this five year mark, and in preparation for sending out my book to be read and judged, next week I will begin a quest for more subscribers, a quest in which I hope you will join me. (It will involve giveaways…a few of my favorite things!)

Perhaps God has more public spaces prepared for these words I write; perhaps He desires for me to continue writing for just a few. While I suspect that I will feel a bit of relief if smallness is His choice, I only want to remain faithful to Him.

In the meantime, and regardless of the result, I will continue to practice my art, being faithful to cultivate whatever talent has been given. I will continue to learn how to craft my words, enjoying the beauty of weaving words and visual art together and enjoying the search for wisdom and understanding that I pray lies beneath my weavings. I will continue to explore this small life around me as well as the larger culture of the world in an attempt to love God better.

I will write, as I have written every week for five years, of the way that God makes all things sacred. I hope that you will continue with me and I pray that you will be helped by these words.

As I end every blogging year, I finish with this prayer:

Whatever the reason for my writing, here I am in this space. I will continue to obey, even though it is hard and often causes my heart to feel fear. I will write. God will listen. I pray He will continue to be pleased.

Go Act Like It

Posted on September 11, 2015 by Elizabeth

Sometimes, when I forget who our King is, this world makes me want to run away and hide.

In a week when refugees number in the millions,

In a week when a friend, a friend with a wife and three small children, dies much too soon,

In a week when fellow believers choose to scream about gay marriage across the country rather than to do something about the poor on the other side of town,

It is easy to believe the lie that I can do nothing against the darkness of this world.

It is easy to believe that the darkness is too strong.

It is easy to believe that ISIS wins, that cancer wins, that politicism wins.

In a week like this, I want to give in to despair. To give up. To gather my babies around me and sit and wait for Jesus to come back and make all of this right again.

And then I remember.

I remember that Jesus calls us to fight. He calls us to be a royal priesthood. A people who rule on His behalf and a people who represent Him to the world around them.

If we hide from the darkness, the darkness will certainly overcome. At least, it will overcome those to whom God asked us to be the light. Perhaps it will overcome us as well.

God is light and He has commissioned us to bring that light to the world.

I often tell my children:

You are beautiful. You are loving.

Now act like it.

So now I tell myself and I tell you:

We are royal. We are priests.

We should act like it.

Go dish out food at a soup kitchen.

Go babysit the children of a parent who has lost someone they love.

Go take a meal to an elderly friend who broke their hip.

Go have patience with that tantrum-throwing child one more time.

Go bake some cookies and take them to the gay couple down the street. Without a note that tells them how wrong they are.

Go find out how to help those refugee children who are lost and hungry and afraid (here’s a good place to start: http://wewelcomerefugees.com/).

We are royal. We are priests.

Act like it.

Be the light that overcomes the darkness.

And take heart; Jesus has overcome the world.

Four Years of Writing

Posted on May 22, 2015 by Elizabeth

I have been writing here in this space for four years now.

Four years of writing and hitting “publish” once a week, every week.

Four years is a long time in the world of blogs. Not many make it this long.

To be honest, just last month I was afraid I would have to take a break.

This fourth baby has been, well, difficult.

This year of beginning to homeschool and being pregnant and then caring for an extra fussy newborn has threatened to sink me at times.

Since I couldn’t give back the baby (don’t worry…I didn’t really want to…mostly…except every once in a while at two in the morning…) or quit educating my child or let my house return to nature, it seemed as though my writing was the only thing I could let go.

Except that God wouldn’t allow me to let it go. There was always something in my heart that He wanted me to say.

Often it was pounded out in five minute spaces and published even though it didn’t feel polished or very well crafted. Yet every time I was obedient to hit that publish button, even when I felt the most inadequate, I heard back from someone about how those words were exactly what they needed to hear.

So I keep writing.

I keep writing and I keep publishing in this little space of mine.

Except it isn’t really mine, is it?

It belongs to God and has always belonged to God, so as long as He keeps asking me to write, even when I don’t have the time to perfectly craft each word to make it sing, I will continue to obey.

Someday I’ll have more time. Someday these little ones won’t be quite so dependent on me and I’ll be able to pursue those bigger writing dreams of mine.

Until then, I’ll be faithful in this season of my life. I’ll hold those tiny, sturdy, beautiful bodies extra close and then snatch a few minutes here and there to jot down what I have in my heart. I’ll enjoy this season of writing in between nursing and playing dollhouse and reading aloud.

I hope you’ll continue to read and be encouraged, even when the words don’t flow as well as they used to.

I’m grateful that God has chosen me to be their mommy and I’m grateful that God has chosen me to write in this space.

So here is where I live: trying my best to be faithful in all that God has given me.

I will end this year, as I have each year of blogging, with this:

Whatever the reason for my writing, here I am in this space. I will continue to obey, even though it is hard and often causes my heart to feel fear. I will write. God will listen. I pray He will continue to be pleased.

Works and Grace

Posted on October 31, 2014 by Elizabeth

His thoughts and wisdom come from years of walking steadily towards God.

This father of mine who has read the Bible through every year for years upon years, who yet still is searching and seeking, discovering new depths in this Word that he loves.

We walk through the woods, sunlight blazing through the red and yellow leaves, the sounds of fall in the leaves at our feet. In spurts, in between the happy screams of children running up and down hills, he speaks to me of his latest wonderings.

He wonders about the difference between the writings of Paul and words of Jesus.

“What if…” he feels his way forward. “What if we didn’t have Paul’s letters? What if all we had were the gospels, the words of Jesus? Jesus speaks much more of actions, of behavior, of thoughts and emotions. He almost never speaks of grace.”

He’s right. Jesus doesn’t dwell much on the beauties of grace. His business seems to be with the practical, with the fruit that a life of a disciple should bear.

Only those who do the Father’s commands will enter the Kingdom.

By your words you will be acquitted or condemned.

When asked, What must I do to be saved?, His answer is simple: Keep the commandments.

It is enough to bring despair, if that were the only way to be saved. Obedience for salvation? This is not gospel. This is not good news.

Yet when someone comes to Him for healing, Jesus tells them that it is their own faith that has saved them.

What does it mean, this faith that is a saving faith? What kind of a faith will save us?

Perhaps a clue comes from the times that Jesus tells us, Whoever hears my word and believes Him who sent Me has eternal life.

Perhaps it does all come down to whether or not we truly believe Jesus. If we truly believe that His way is best, that He is who He says He is and therefore knows what in this crazy upside down world He’s talking about, then we will obey Him.

Not perfectly and not all the time (Which is where Paul’s grace seems to come in. Which is where Jesus’ statements like it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God…but with God all things are possible seem to bring in grace), but if you really believe then you will allow your heart to be changed.

Sometimes it is dramatic and fast, like Paul. Other times it comes slowly and painfully, small choice by small choice, like the disciples.

It does seem, at times, that there is an apparent contradiction between works and grace in the New Testament.

It also seems, though, that while we can never be good enough to earn our way in, and while it is only by the blood of Christ that we are able to come near to God at all, at the same time, once we have decided that He is truth then our lives should reflect that truth.

A life that is given up to the Lordship of Christ should bear fruit.

We do not try to obey so that we can be loved, but rather the love of Jesus allows us a beginning of the ability to obey, however imperfectly.

The grace brings about the works.

I am still learning, however, and welcome your own wisdom. What would happen if we only had the gospels and not the letters of Paul? How are grace and works reconciled, and should we put a greater emphasis on works?

Be Right or Love the Person?

Posted on September 12, 2014 by Elizabeth

“Is it more important to be right or to be loving?”

I ask her the question as she stands with her hands on her hips, righteous indignation quivering through every inch of her little body.

It seems an easy question when put in such stark terms, but which of us answers it correctly in each one of our little choices every day?

Certainly not me.

I find myself struggling with whether loving the person or desiring to be right is more important. I wrestle with the decision of whether having the perfect event or loving the person is better. I fight hard against the desire to let my agenda, my task list trump the to-do of loving the person.

Love God. Love people.

It is that simple. It is that hard.

Pride stands in our way. Desire for an experience to be amazing puts up a wall. Need to feel accomplished plants its roots.

Yet it truly is simple. Will we obey our own desires or will we submit ourselves to God?

“To be loving.” The answer barely escapes through her gritted teeth. She doesn’t want that to be the right answer.

I know, my darling. I know. I, too, want a different answer. I, too, want to protect myself, to protect my perceived interests and rights.

The trouble is that when you commit yourself to this God of power and love, you commit to letting Him defend you. Your job is to obey. In this case, that looks like love.

It is making yourself vulnerable in order to love the person. It is making yourself nothing in order to love the person. It is making yourself a servant in order to love the person.

Love God. Love people.

It is that simple. It is that hard.

Temptation

Posted on April 18, 2014 by Elizabeth

Temptation.

It swirls around me like a hurricane

sending my intentions spinning into the blackened sky.

I hear the voice of God

I hear Him tell me what is good

Why can I not obey?

My consistency is that I fail to listen

My constant is that I continue to fall.

The ugly truth?

I don’t believe God.

I don’t believe Him when He tells me what is best.

If I believed, I would obey.

If I trusted in God’s goodness, His love, I would always do what He asks.

I would choose love instead of anger.

I would choose compassion rather than bitterness.

I would forgive instead of clinging to my grudge.

I would assume the best rather than enjoying my irritation.

I would think of others and forget about myself.

How can I obey,

how can I root out this ugliness that is deep inside my heart?

I cannot listen when I will not trust.

And yet I remember.

God is mercy and God is grace.

He changes hearts and He captures our gaze.

He is faithful if we ask;

His wisdom He delights to give.

Christ stayed in the wilderness

He faced down our sin

He trusted in God

Trusted God’s love and goodness

Christ conquered to make me a conqueror.

Grace.

It captures my heart and teaches me to trust

changing my nature so that I am now able to believe what God says

And obey.

If you are viewing this via email/in a reader, click here to view this video

Living in Tension

Posted on November 22, 2013 by Elizabeth

We all live in a tension between seeming opposites, sliding between one extreme and the other as though we were children sliding back and forth across the kitchen floor in our footie pajamas.

We want to accomplish much during our day, and we wish we could curl up on the couch with a book or the remote.

We plead with a good god for help when things fall apart, and we wonder how any god but the cruelest sort could watch while life disintegrates.

We would die for our children, and we feel a strong urge to toss them out any nearby window.

We long to dream big and serve those who are suffering and downtrodden, and we despair that anything we could do could possibly make any difference.

We desire to follow after Christ with all that we are, and we secretly speculate whether He even exists.

Emotions are fickle and are often the source of these tensions that send us skidding back and forth in an attempt to live well. Even on our best days when we yearn to serve God with all of our heart, we feel unsure of what that really means.

One day we think that perhaps we should sell our home and move to the inner city. The next we think that perhaps God wishes for us to love our right-now neighbor whose cat has just dug up our roses.

One day we think that we should create something beautiful that will point millions to God. The next we think that we should write a letter to our uncle who needs to hear about love.

One day we think that God asks us to sacrifice much and preach gospel to those who despair. The next we think that God asks us to be obedient in small ways with the family and friends He has placed around us.

What do we do with these tensions? What do we do with these competing wishes and desires? Does God ask for big dreams and risky sacrifices or does He smile upon small acts of faithfulness and childlike demonstrations of obedience?

I am learning that He gives varying numbers of talents to different people, even varying tasks to the same people in different stages of their lives.

I am learning that He asks us to wait patiently for His call, to take one step of faith at a time, to carry out one obedient act that may lead to more. I am learning that He asks us to continue living in tension, knowing that those who get comfortable are not as easy to move, knowing that those who feel most at home in this world are not readying themselves or anyone else for a perfect home.

I am learning that just living in peace with this tension, taking each next step as He guides, is what we are meant to do, even when it doesn’t feel like quite enough.

How to Give Yourself Grace

Posted on November 15, 2013 by Elizabeth

I’ve written about it before in this space, but since I will never act perfectly until the day I see my Lord face to face, I will just have to continue to write about it in hopes that this act of writing will somehow help me. Perhaps it will help someone else as well.

I want so desperately to follow Jesus without having to fight against myself; I want to do the right thing at the right time without a raging internal struggle; I just want it to be easier for me to obey. Will you join me over at Embracing Grace to talk about the grace God gives us even when we can’t give that grace to ourselves? I’d love to meet you over there.
(http://embracinggrace.net/2013/11/how-to-give-yourself-grace/)

Beautiful Law

Posted on March 22, 2013 by Elizabeth

I think a lot about rules and law these days.

Why? I have a preschooler and a toddler in the house.

To them, law is restrictive, constraining, unpleasant.

As I consider how to teach them to obey, I am, once again, brought up short and shamed by the deep places inside of me.

The deep places that agree with my preschooler and my toddler.

I, too, see rules as unpleasant. I sometimes feel constrained by the laws of God.

I have thought about this before, the idea that living under God’s authority gives me the freedom to be truly myself, to be who God created me to be.

Yet I still disobey. I still think of myself as better than others. I still yell in anger at those I love. I still struggle with wanting to spend all day reading rather than taking care of my responsibilities.

Why is this so difficult? Why do I view God’s laws as restrictive?

I search God’s Words as I am searching my own heart, and I read David’s words in the Psalms:

My soul is consumed with longing for Your laws at all times.

The law from Your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold.

Oh, how I love Your law! I meditate on it all day long.

When I am honest with myself, my difficulty is that I don’t truly believe God. I don’t believe that His way is better, that obeying Him will bring me happiness.

I continually choose my own way and am always disappointed.

While I contemplate this striving, I hear an interview with Gerald McDermott on my Mars Hill Audio Journal, discussing these very ideas, discussing the beauty of law.

McDermott is discussing Jonathan Edwards’ views on God’s laws when he speaks about the beauty of the Triune God who loves His human creation with deep father love, Who wants us to be able to participate in His Being (which is, in itself, astounding and worthy of much more searching and study and writing!). The way that we do this, the way that we are able to participate in the Being of this Triune God is to live the way that God lives.

The way that we do that? We live the way that God lives when we live by His laws, by His teachings, in His ways.

This turns everything upside down and over around on its head. Are you as astonished as I am?

I can live the way that God lives.

If God has given us His law so that we can live like Him, so that we can participate in His Being, then I can no longer view that law as unpleasant or constraining. God is simply giving us the ways that will bring us the deepest, most lasting sort of happiness. God’s law is beautiful!

God gave them other rules…The rules showed God’s people how to live, and how to be close to Him, and how to be happy. They showed how life worked best. ~ The Jesus Storybook Bible

Teach me, Abba, how to obey. Teach me to believe that Your law is beautiful, that living in Your ways will bring me happiness and will help me to be more fully myself.

Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in Your law.

The Last Temptation

Posted on April 6, 2012 by Elizabeth

This, the Friday before Easter, is a hard day.

I’d much rather jump straight into Easter, to the joy of the earth singing as it once again feels the touch of Jesus’ feet.

Yet you cannot get to the empty tomb without going through the suffering of the cross.

I’ve written a lot about suffering and pain in these pages. I am often tempted to do almost anything to avoid feeling pain.

It recently struck me that perhaps that is what temptation really is: Satan doing everything he can to help you avoid suffering here on earth.

We don’t know about very many of Jesus’ temptations, but God gives us enough glimpse to know that He, like me, desired to avoid pain.

That is what Jesus’ wilderness temptings were: Satan trying to convince Jesus to believe in him and take the easy, pain-free way of becoming king rather than believing God and obeying His pain-filled, cross way of becoming king.

The way that would also rescue His people.

Too often, I believe Satan instead of God.

Yet Satan did not end his tempting of Jesus in the wilderness.

When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left Him until an opportune time. ~ Luke 4

That opportune time?

The Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus’ last temptation.

The temptation to once again take the comfortable way instead of the suffering way. The temptation to believe in Satan’s hazy seductions rather than in God’s rock-solid promises.

Father, if You are willing, take this cup from Me; yet not My will but Yours be done. ~ Luke 22

I bow my head in shame, knowing how often I choose to believe Satan.

Yes, He was God, yet He still struggled as much as we do with this same temptation.

And being in anguish, He prayed more earnestly, and His sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. ~ Luke 22

And so we come full circle.

That which began in a garden now ends in a garden because this time the man obeyed.

Jesus obeyed. He chose to believe in God’s promise while knowing the immediate consequences of pain.

My heart wants to weep because I know why He did this.

But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. ~ Romans 5

Since the children have flesh and blood, He too shared in their humanity so that by His death He might destroy him who holds the power of death — that is, the devil. ~ Hebrews 2

Because He loves us and He wants to rescue us, to rescue you, from the power of pain and death.

This. This is why we linger long on this hard day instead of leaping ahead to Sunday. To remind us to believe in God’s promises of the end of death and pain even while knowing of the fleeting death and pain we might face in obedience.

May I end with something I wrote and a video I made with a friend? (if you are viewing this via email/in a reader, click here to view this video)

Pause for a moment and dwell on the hard things so that on Sunday your heart can resonate even more fully with Easter’s joy.