I sit at my kitchen table and stare out the window.
I am weary.
I see a robin settle on the tippy-est top of a tree.
The wind is blowing him fiercely as he desperately tries to keep his perch.
I feel a sudden kinship with this robin.
I, too, feel as though I live perched at the top of a tree, fighting to keep my place, leaning this way and that, re-balancing with a flap of my wings as people and circumstances gust all around me.
Trying to fix all the pieces of my husband that don’t quite suit me.
Trying to make my kids love God above all else.
Trying to force my heart to desire God more than anything else.
I offer “suggestions” to my husband that will help him to be more like I want him to be.
I plan activities galore to train my girls’ hearts toward God and their minds toward brilliance.
I read book after book to help me understand how to make my heart like God’s.
And I read this:
And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh,
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
It shouldn’t be a startling conclusion. I am NOT the Holy Spirit. Neither are you.
Yet we so very often try to do His work for Him.
Rather, we must step aside and allow the Spirit to do His job. In His own timing.
I open my heart wide to His gentle teaching and reminding and, at least for this moment, give up my striving and balancing, allowing the Holy Spirit to surround me and give me rest and peace. Peace in knowing that He loves my family even more than I do.
He alone will heal and change our hearts.