When My Heart Is Revealed

I am flying to Dallas this week.

No kids, no husband, only myself.

I am traveling to visit my Papa and my Gram one last time before this baby inside me places limits on how far I may travel.

This is very possibly the last time I will see my Papa this side of death and Jesus’ return.

This is a difficult journey. One that I wish I did not have to take.

I heard it said on Sunday that storms rip away the surface and the shallow and expose what is truly there.

In both the storm of Kristina and the storm of Papa, I find that I do not like what is revealed.

I desire comfort above character; I want my own plans to be fulfilled even though I know that God’s plan is so much better; I want to avoid pain, for myself and for those that I love, at almost any cost.

Only God can change me, can fix my broken heart so that I am able to desire what He desires. 

I am brought back once again to the realization that God does not promise that we will have pain-free lives. He, in fact, promises the opposite.

(Jesus speaking to His disciples) In this world you will have trouble. ~ John 16.33

Yet I read the entire verse and I cling to the last of His words. I cling to what God does truly promise.

I have told you these things so that in Me, you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world! 

Take heart!

Part of me is able to recognize that those are much greater promises. 

A large part of me, however, still seeks that life without heartache and pain. 

All I can do for now is to cling to Jesus’ words, to the things that He has promised, as I wait for the day when my heart will be whole and undivided, the day when I truly will understand and know that it has all been worth it.

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. ~ John 14.27 

One day, John knew, Heaven would come down and mend God’s broken world and make it our true, perfect home once again… And he knew then that the ending of The Story was going to be so great, it would make all the sadness and tears and everything seem like just a shadow that is chased away by the morning sun. ~ The Jesus Storybook Bible

art credit: painting is Gethsemane by Carl Bloch

6 thoughts on “When My Heart Is Revealed

  1. I too have read that bible numerous times to my son and look forward to reading it to my daughter when I return home.

    I value the humility that you expressed, Elizabeth, but wonder if your vision of yourself is as clear as you think it is. What if that longing for comfort is not selfishness but rather your subtle awareness that this is not how the world was meant to be? That the Fall was not God’s original intent, that our fractured natures, desires and impulses are still reflecting the imago dei on some level? Surely the Fall is not mightier than the Creator. And I also believe that spirit that I saw in you in college was real, there is an honesty, a clarity that is a reflection of our Lord. I don’t dispute that there is some level of selfishness in all of us, and I respect your choice to name a vulnerability publicly, but that is not the whole story. Most of the story is about the Creator, the Redeemer, and the lifter of our heads.

    I pray God’s grace on you this week as you grieve, love, wrestle, and accept His timing. And may Papa enjoy his reward, he has earned it. The Fullness of Life to you, Jon

  2. My wife has told me recently that being deployed has made me argumentative. I pray you do not take this post in that spirit but rather the intended spirit of love and encouragement. Blessings, Sister.

    • And you weren’t argumentative in college? 😉 No worries…I took your comments as intended, as encouragement in this journey of mine.

      No, I completely agree that the desires that we have are placed into our hearts by God in order to lead us to Him, to teach us what He wants us to know. I also think that Satan can easily deflect our pursuit of those desires and turn us inwards rather than outward in pursuit of God and of love for others. I wrote about that a little in my post about happiness, if you are bored and want to read it: http://madesacred.blogspot.com/2011/08/pursuing-happiness.html

      Love and blessings to you as you are far from your loved ones, dear Jonathan. My heart is full of gratitude for you and those with you on today of all days, Veteran’s Day. God’s blessings on you and your family.

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