When You Wonder

Sometimes I wonder.
Christ Carrying the Cross
I wonder if it is worth it to obey Christ?  He does, after all, say crazy, ridiculous things about giving yourself away and having trouble in this world and carrying a cross into the world’s darkness as He did in order to follow Him for love of Him and love of the world.

 

Starry Sky
I wonder if anyone is actually listening when I pray?  I have, after all, asked for many beautiful things that never came to pass, things that any sane person would want to occur, and have hurled words into the void of space, words that seemed to return home empty.

 

busy street
I wonder if God really does exist when much of the time the world around me and sometimes even my own heart says that He does not.

 

What do we do when we wonder?
Wondering
Take the next step.  Say the next prayer.  Obey the next time.  The only way to find out whether all of this is true is to try it, live it, do it.
Ask and you will be given.  Seek and you will find.  Draw near to Him and see if He will draw near to you.  Ask for Him and see if He will come to you in ways that you alone can comprehend.  Look for Him and see if you can see a light at the heart of this darkness.  This is the only way to go on.
Our Light
Speak your doubts out loud when your heart hears only echoing silence.  “Do You know me even though I don’t know You?” is still a kind of prayer.
We draw near to him by following him even on clumsy and reluctant feet.  ~ Frederick Buechner
Is this a turning away from faith?  Not at all.  It is only moments and days, and sometimes weeks and months, that come to all of us who believe.  This wondering is common to us all.
Adeste fidelis.  That is the only answer I know for people who want to find out whether or not this is true.  Come all ye faithful, and all ye who would like to be faithful if only you could, all ye who walk in darkness and hunger for light.  Have faith enough, hope enough, despair enough, foolishness enough at least to draw near to see for yourselves.  ~ Frederick Buechner

Art credits: Christ Carrying the Cross by Joachim Beuckelaer; Planetary Nebula by NASA; Crowds by J. Solis

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Comments

  1. Elizabeth this is lovely. I too was recently in a season of wondering (or wandering) but I find myself always coming back and praying “I believe, help my unbelief” and He always does. It’s hard sometimes living in the world, I get it. But there are always reminders the He IS real. Thanks for sharing your heart, I am always blessed by your words.

    • Thank you, friend! I think it is important to acknowledge that we all have “wonderings” and that feeling that way is perfectly okay. God is faithful even when we wonder. Perhaps especially when we wonder?

  2. I love Frederick Buechner! I have many of his books on my shelf. I identify with him more than any other theologian I’ve read. I am also struggling with if not doubt, certainly disappointment. Prayers prayed so fervently, seemingly ignored. BUT…”where could I go, but to the Lord?” I don’t understand now, but still, I must hang on and trust. Thanks for your writings.

    • Yes. Just that: “where could I go, but to the Lord?” We’ll both hang on tight and trust that His answers are perfect even if we never get to hear them on this earth.

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